One year ago, crazy.

I'm delirious at this point. I have a final that starts in a few minutes that I have to walk to. I don't know up from down.

The rest of the week will be interesting.

Still awake. Reading this fucking book to do this fucking paper. That was due Monday but is now due today (Wednesday) because only two kids in the class actually did the paper for Monday. I don't know what I'm going to do, besides cry.

Shower time to wake myself up. Then, reading until the dining hall opens for coffee. I need lots and lots of coffee.

I can't sleep. Again.

I'm supposed to be reading a book/writing a paper on the book, but I'm too tired to read anymore. Yet I can't fall asleep. I'm also very hungry.

So much stuff happened yesterday that ruined the weekend pretty much. I won't go into it more then that, but it sucked.

Things have kind of been sucking lately in general. I've been feeling really depressed too. This isn't good.

Hopefully things will change soon.

I hate liars and I hate two-faced people.

To say I'm hurt and upset would be an understatement.

Whatever.

It's Friday, so that means that I'm in the darkroom, working. Kind of gross, but at least I'm making some money. Money sucks, but it's nice when you have it. I'm really tired today, I haven't been sleeping well (even when I take the ambien, it still hasn't been very good). Last night was the same, I stayed up late and had to wake up early. Oh well.

I'm printing photos for my documentary final. I'm taking portraits of people's feet instead of their faces, because faces are very common and feet aren't as common. Also, feet tend to make people feel uncomfortable, so I like that aspect of it too. And, surprisingly, feet have a lot of personality. I'm kind of excited about this project, so that's good. I have to finish up my independent study project too. I got a little behind on that again so I need to finish that up.

It's spring weekend here at UConn. I have mixed feelings about spring weekend. I don't like it because I have to be paranoid about driving; there's cops EVERYWHERE!! I'm afraid to have one drink and then drive, just because I don't want to get into trouble. It's nice that they have a weekend where everyone can let loose, but it still kind of sucks. Huge crowds of drunken people aren't really my thing. But it's interesting, to say the least.

I've been putting off reading this book for African Art for weeks and weeks and now it's due on Monday (the paper that I have to write for it). I'm SO not looking forward to this. I seriously need to sit down and just read it. I'm on page 25 out of 300. That's a shitton of reading that I'm NOT looking forward to. Ugh. And it's spring weekend, and supposed to be really nice out tomorrow. Yuck! I have to work for Whitney on Sunday so hopefully I'll get some done then. I need to get some done before then though, like, now. I just can't concentrate on it. And it's such a confusing book; I don't understand what's going on. It doesn't get better either because Hannah is reading the same book and she's farther ahead them me and says it's still just as confusing. Sighs.

I guess I should go be productive with darkroom stuff. I want to get this project (feet) printed as much as possible, then I'm going to make myself read (or try to).

Another sleepless night. I'm not sure what's up with me lately. I guess you could say there's a lot on my mind.

Here are some quotes from songs mostly that I'm thoroughly enjoying/finding therapeutic lately. Any questions, feel free to ask.

"I thought this wouldn't hurt a lot, I guess not"

"I miss you less and less everyday. It's true the whiskey's helped to wash you away"

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year"

"Half of the time we're going but we don't know where"

"I will be your hero and your whore"

"Wake up you've got a lot of things to do, wake up the sun is rising without you"

"Leave all your loving, your loving behind. You can't carry it with you if you want to survive"

I can't sleep. I've already taken a sleeping pill, hours ago, which doesn't seem to be doing much good right now. I don't know what my problem is. I've been playing bowling on my iTouch (new obsession - the bowling, not the iTouch - that's an older obsession) but the battery just flashed red so it has to be plugged in and I can't play/have it plugged in at the same time because I want to be in bed in an attempt to sleep.

I figured out what I'm making someone for graduation. I'm very excited about it. I hope it comes out the way I want.

I love Lady Gaga. Just saying.

I hate not sleeping. I get so bored. There's nothing on TV, not that I watch TV anyways. I don't think we're going to have cable next year, which I'm fine with. I end up missing my favorite shows and buying them on iTunes anyways (and my "favorite" shows are few and far between). I'm so excited for the new apartment. We move in August 1st. So exciting!!! I kind of wish I could start moving in now so I don't have to lug all my shit home and then back up here at the end of the summer.

I'm actively looking for summer jobs. I HAVE to work this summer and make money. My minimum goal is $2,000. I can't make any less then that. And I have to save at least half of that, preferably 3/4ths.

I'm totally rambeling. That happens when I can't sleep. I wish I had more insiteful things to say, but I really don't. Ha. Oh well.

I have a busy day tomorrow. Work 9-10, class 10:30-11:45, work 12-3 and then I need to get organized for Wednesday's photo shoot. I hope everything works out semi ok. I need to shoot a lot of people and I hate relying on people to model because it often doesn't work out. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

That is all for now. I'm going to figure out something to do. Maybe I'll sew a little. Hopefully sleep.

Goodnight all!

Lately I've been feeling really alone. I know that it's not the case. I'm surrounded by people. Yet at the same time, I can't help but feel it. I just feel like everyone has their own lives and there's no room for me. Everything is about to change big time and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Ready or not, it's going to happen. I hate change sometimes, I really do. I know it can be good and positive and healthy, but it just throws everything off.

Lots of stuff has been going on but I don't really feel like writing about that right now. I'm not sure what I feel like writing about. I'm just in feeling a general discontent feeling about life. I have to do work but I don't feel like it. I guess it's fair to say I'm sad.

"I wish I were special..."

I have a ton of stuff to do on my to do list but, as per usual, I'm having a very difficult time getting motivated. Most importantly for tonight, I have to go and mat all my prints for the scholarship show. I want to go when it's closed so that way I can spread out and have room to work. The darkroom doesn't close until 11 tonight though. Yuck. I guess I have to wait till then. That's an hour and a half. Double yuck. Maybe I'll just go in earlier and hope that not many people are there. I could call ahead I suppose. This whole thing is such a pain in the ass.

I just called ahead. There are two people matting. So I have to wait. I need to read but I'm so ADD right now that I don't think I can concentrate. I need a red bull but then I don't want to be up all night. Why are things never simple??

I seriously wish I were one of those naturally motivated people. That would make things so much easier and I'd be so much more productive. I love productivity, I really do. I guess I'm going to go read now.

Sorry for the complaints.

So I suppose this is my new blog. I have an old one, but I decided it's time for a new one, a new chapter if you will. I don't have all that much to say at the moment, besides the fact that I should be doing some reading but I've decided not to (I really do dislike nonproductiveness) I have a to-do list a mile long that I should be working on, but of course, I'm not. Typical.

I will leave off with one of my favorite polaroids that I took on my recent spring break trip with three friends to North Carolina.