I've been making a solid effort not to take Ambien lately. I've been good about it, except I haven't been sleeping well at all. It usually takes me a while to get used to not taking it but this is the third sleepless night in a row. It's starting to majorly suck.

With all my extra non-sleeping time, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Kind of about everything. Thoughts are probably the cause for my sleepless nights. They're very loud sometimes.

Listening to songs I haven't heard in a while has brought mixed emotions. I've actually cried a few times tonight. Not hysterically sobs or anything of that nature, but more of a "this is so beautiful that I'm moved" type of cry. But it's not necessarily moved that I feel, it's partially sad. I'm so lucky to have the people I have in my life in my life right now. Words cannot describe the gratitude I feel for them. I honestly have some of the most amazing people anyone could every ask for and I appreciate them more then any of them will know. At the same time, there are some people who have come and gone in my life who I miss a lot. Especially when I'm up all night looking through old photographs and can't sleep. There's also times in my life I miss. Don't get me wrong, I don't miss them in a way that I want these times back. It's more of a fondness for certain memories that make me sad. I don't know if I'm making any sense at all, but it's 3 in the morning so I don't think it matters much.

My birthday is in three days. It's kind of scary. I will be 23 years young. I haven't fully decided how I feel about it. I have a lot of mixed emotions I guess. I go back and forth between a lot of different feelings.

I should be writing more. I should be doing a lot of things but the whole motivation thing is seriously lacking in my life. I'll get there, eventually.

I guess that's all for now. I'm tired and I want to sleep, but I've been in bed basically since 10:30pm with no luck. I made some tea and will probably go back to reading Peter Pan now.

Until next time...